Operation on 28.3.22

8 years after the first cancer in 2014 a new recurrence appeared beginning of march 2022 at a early stade.

(testimony 2014: https://ressourcesdevie.ch/facing-suffering/)

The operation took place successfully. Two little tumors could be removed, as well as the entire spleen and a bit of the stomach, the liver and the pancreas. And the intestines were cleared which were stuck to scars from the previous operation. Afterwards, hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemo-therapy [1] (HICP) cleaned up the whole area.

[1] An operation that consists of chemotherapy in the abdomen associated with hyperthermia. The surgeons install a liquid at a temperature of 42-43°C in the abdominal cavity to obtain a maximum effect. To do this, they had to remove all my organs first.
Remade like new! It was amazing what Professor Lehmann and his team were able to do!

For two days I had no pain because I was kept under epidural. What an ingenious idea.

Wednesday it got worse. A new oral coverage of the pain, because the epidural had to be replaced. I was offered medication to protect the stomach and a proton pump inhibitor. (Nexium, Paraprazol/Primperon) Unfortunately, these medications produce nausea in me. (It was only in Montana that I learned that I was intolerant to histamines, which produce this opposite effect… it’s good to know). But at that moment I could’n convince them. So I’m ready to go that journey and demonstrate by the results. Continuous vomiting, no pain coverage … I needed help. In the evening the epidural is reused and a pain-relieving plaster works miracles.

But on Thursday the epidural has to be removed, the plaster is removed, because according to the pain specialist, there is too much risk of dependence… Thursday evening I reach my point: I can’t take it anymore. By the way, it reminds me of Ed Mylett who said, « Depending on what you do, when you can’t take it anymore, will determine the success of your life. »

The vision of having to spend the night in these conditions (vomiting and pain) was unbearable for me.

What do I do when I can’t take it anymore?

I needed to set a closer goal! One minute at a time, divided into 8 long breaths, a short pause where I blessed one person and started again.

During that night I was able to doze off several times …. what a victory.

With this sacrifice of pain I was able to obtain the next day with proof and more clarity a new regime of treatment of the pain, the plaster was granted to me.

Faced with anyone who has a belief or opinion other than our own, going in their direction is often a sacrifice of pain. But it will give us the clarity and authority with evidence to back it up, that another solution might be better.

On Friday the catheter was removed and I was finally ready to get up and go to the bathroom. Note that during such an operation the body retains up to 7 kg (water, chemo, medic. etc.) and I was fed and hydrated artificially. Friday was my elimination day. In the morning, I received a Bible passage that said: deliverance is near! What a surprise, not only did my pain decrease, my body was emptying thanks to an exercise that consisted in moving simply by going to the bathroom, every 2 hours.  And against all odds, my intestines started to work. The worst was over!

These two songs above have been with me all week.

Reflection on suffering

Suffering has no smell, no color, it is completely forgotten after childbirth. But what is it that makes pain so invasive that we don’t know how to deal with it? Medical schools are becoming aware that there may be another way to go besides medication. I realized that if I let the pain take over, it would take over me. But by filling my thoughts with something else, like breathing, praying or reciting Psalm 23, the pain could take up less space.

In traumas, the pain attaches itself to fear and a related event. It can be a color, a smell or another event. The purpose is to warn us if the next danger is coming. But these reminders of fears can also be negative when they are not conscious. I am very interested in this subject and did some courses. I will elaborate on it next time.

If you are interested, you will find more on this subject in another article:

https://ressourcesdevie.ch/mes-emotions/

Video of :

Boris Cyrulnik – Traumatic Memory

Naomi Meyer text 1 translated:

I heard my brother crying.  He was outside on the phone with Mom.  I thought that his goat had had an accident or that the baby goat « Nuage » who was sick had not survived.  Then he handed me the phone and then, I don’t remember anymore.

Cancer of the uterus  

My great-grandmother 

My grandmother 

My grandmother’s sister 

My grandmother’s other sister 

My paternal grandmother 

And now you, mom 

A cancer in her belly.  About twenty years ago, it was me who was there in the warmth. Her belly has swollen.  It looks like she’s pregnant.  

But this is not life.  

The cradle of my childhood. Pocket I grew up in.  

I found out this news while I was at a scout camp.  

That night I went to bed in my tent alone. I looked at the stars and prayed.  

The next day I packed my things and knew that everyone had been told. I could see the eyes turning or turning away.  I remember thinking very loudly, « Behave normally with me. »

Don’t look at me. Don’t say, « Oh you poor thing, » as I walk by. Don’t whisper, because I will feel like you are talking about me. Why look at me stupidly and expect me to say something? I’m not ready. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. Some people run away from me, others come to talk to me. I see them hesitating about how to be with me. Some reassure me and say, « It’s going to be okay, » while others hug me. 

But I want to shout at them: « Oh yes? She’s not going to die? How do you know that? Even the doctors don’t know. No, that’s not going to be okay! It’s not okay! Don’t try to make me feel better. You don’t know if that will going to be okay!

>> But I say,  « Thank you, » and attempt a smile. 

Some people act like nothing happened…but it’s almost worse. Others fall apart so I feel bad. I don’t want them to fall apart. I tell myself that I am holding on while they are not allowed to cry. And if they fall apart, then nothing holds. 

And then you came to me. You have already lost your hair. You still wear the scars of your fight. You have beaten the cancer. You looked at me and even though we didn’t know each other, you hugged me and didn’t say anything. We stayed like that for many minutes. And then I realized: it’s okay not to be okay. 

I am not alone.